How Can I Enjoy Sex After Having A Baby?
As if the pressure to perform as a new mother isn’t enough, there’s also the pressure to perform as a lover too. Mum’s around the globe find themselves stuck between this rock and hard place (pun intended) all too often. And as usual, it’s something most women don’t want to discuss publicly. Luckily, I don’t have much of a filter! Truth be told: losing my virginity and having sex for the first time after giving birth rank right up there with my least eventful sexual experiences!
Spanner In The Works
What makes sex after birth any different than sex before birth? Well, for starters, you just pushed a watermelon out of your vagina (if you had a vaginal birth), so it might still resemble a war zone down there. You also have a little human that now needs care and attention 24/7, so fitting it in can be near on impossible. Plus, you’re exhausted from a lack of sleep. Then, to add insult to injury, your hormones are off the charts and your body will be carrying a healthy amount of baby weight. All of this is guaranteed to tank your libido!
Now that I’ve burst your bubble about post-baby sexual intimacy, let’s explore 7 fantastic tips to get you enjoying sex after your little bundle of joy arrives.
#1 Ditch the Expectations
Because this is a new and different experience in your relationship, it will help to have an open mind. This means ditching the expectations altogether. Go into it knowing the current state is temporary, enjoy the small things that make it different, and you’ll be back to your normal routine in no time. If you’re not setting the bar too high, you will be disappointed. Likewise, if you don’t discount the whole encounter, then you may be pleasantly surprised.
#2 Communicate
If you’re breastfeeding or pumping, your breasts will still have milk. As I shared in my memoir, I personally felt like a cow when my husband would suck on my breasts during sex. But of course, I was too embarrassed to say anything, so I just silently cringed. Have the courage to speak up and set boundaries if this, or anything else you’re doing, makes you uncomfortable. A gentle reminder that your breasts will be back on the menu down the road should suffice.
#3 Keep the Lights Off
If you’re not back to your confident, sexy self, it’s okay to keep the room dark for your first few encounters. Although my husband reassured me time and time again that he still loved me, even with the baby weight (worst compliment ever!), I still didn’t feel like playing cowgirl on his saddle in the middle of the day. If the daytime is the only time you’re coherent enough, try adding a blindfold into the mix.
#4 Take It Slow
When my husband heard we had the green light from my OBGYN to have sex, he was already halfway to the bedroom. I was totally freaked out that he was going to ram his member halfway up my torso and bust a lung! I had to remind him we had a delicate situation between my legs and that he needed to go S…L…O…W…! By positioning myself on top, I could more easily control the pace and only speed up when I felt comfortable.
#5 Prioritize Your Relationship
Having an infant takes a lot of work and requires an incredible amount of attention, so there’s a temptation to put all lovemaking on the back burner. Don’t make this mistake; your relationship needs to be fully intact to survive a newborn. Even if you’re not interested in having sex, you can find other ways to create intimacy during this challenging time. Before you know it, that intimate back rub might turn into a romantic romp. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
#6 Change Your Definition of Sex
Most of us hear sex and the first thing we think of is penetration, but you don’t have to limit your sexual experiences to that! If you’ve had a C-section, perhaps laying back and receiving oral pleasure might be the best way for you to enjoy sex at the moment. Most men will be just as happy to receive a blowjob if you’re not up for penetration just yet.
#7 Laugh It Off
It can be super awkward to hop back in the sack after several months of abstinence, but you don’t have to let that spoil the mood. Laughter is your friend! I’ve had milk squirt him in the eye during sex. Poor guy almost went blind, but we had a good laugh and moved on. And you can do the same.
Conclusion: How Can I Enjoy Sex After Having A Baby?
The good news is, it’s totally normal to wonder if you’ll ever enjoy or want sex again after having a bub. The better news is that it’s all temporary! You will once again, not just enjoy it but love it! So, give yourself some grace, apply these tips and know that it will all work out in the end.
Karin Freeland is the author of the comedic tell-all memoir, The Ins and Outs of My Vagina: A Penetrating Memoir. She recounts the mishaps and misadventures of her life with a special partner in crime, her vagina named V. Available now online at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Be sure to follow her on Instagram @karinfreeland for more great advice and updates on the book.