5 Ways to Create Intimacy in Your Marriage

Chances are that when you said “I Do,” your marriage was chock full of intimacy. But like anything new, the excitement and shine wears off over time. Does the intimacy in your relationship feel like it’s waning? Fear not! There is hope for a steamy relationship as the years roll on. If you’re looking for a little boost in the intimacy department, try these five sure-fire tips!

#1 Act Like You’re Dating Again

When my husband and I were dating, he always showed up dressed to impress and smelling like a cologne sample in a GQ magazine. Nowadays, I’m lucky if he puts on deodorant! (I wish I were kidding.) He claims his natural aroma and pheromones are enough. The jury disagrees! One whiff of cologne and I melt like butter. Why? It reminds me of when we first started dating and is synonymous with passion.

Tell your partner what you loved most about when you were dating and try to recreate the moment. Did he always wear a certain style of clothing? Did you actually bother to do your hair? Maybe you used to go out to the movies and make out in the back row? What could be more fun than a throwback date? Acting like you’re dating again is one of the fastest ways to add a little more intimacy to your relationship and relive some of your favourite moments together.

Karin Freeland create intimacy in your marriage 5 spice up your marriage sex advice

#2 Invest in Your Relationship

When we were first married, I made some hefty investments in lingerie. I bought a French maid outfit, sexy two-piece pyjamas, and lots of lacy one-pieces with matching thigh highs. 13 years later, I’m still wearing the same lingerie because somewhere along the line, I stopped investing in our relationship at the same level. Although, I have no problem dropping a few hundred on Botox or a new purse!

Lingerie isn’t the only investment worth making. Another investment could be counselling or hiring a sex coach to spice things up, depending on how your relationship is going. Having an outside opinion or person asking the questions might help you and your partner open up in ways you’d never anticipated, creating that deeper intimacy between you. What could you put a little money towards to improve your relationship?

Online Dating couple strolling through park on first date hand in hand covid dating internet dating

#3 Share a Hobby

Unfortunately, there will come a time in your relationship when your libido is low or his dick stops working. If sex is the only way you create intimacy in your relationship, you’re on a one-way train to misery. My husband and I have always loved playing cards and Scrabble together. During the pandemic lockdown, he would make us a cup of tea after the kids went to bed and we’d break out a game. While we felt like an old married couple, it was actually pretty cool.

I knew he was my ride or die guy. The one that would still be able to play cards and laugh with me even when his pickle shrivels up. Seeing him laugh when he beats me, is sexy in its own way. What hobby can you share? Maybe gardening and bending over freshly planted tulips would be a hot afternoon for you? Or riding motorcycles, feeling the power between your legs? Whatever floats your boat – just make sure you’re doing it together and creating a lasting bond.

Karin Freeland create intimacy in your marriage 1 spice up your marriage sex advice

#4 Try Out a New Fantasy

Back to the sex! Let’s be honest, they are some of our most intimate moments. Have you talked to your partner about your fantasies? Do you know about theirs? Fantasies were not something my husband and I discussed very frequently and whenever I asked him what his were, he’d tell me he didn’t have any. (Bullshit!)

One day when I arrived home from work in a tight skirt and blouse, he whispered so the kids wouldn’t hear him, “Leave that on,” and planted a kiss on my cheek. Although he didn’t come right out and say it, I knew in that moment what his fantasy was. He wanted to do me in my work clothes. Hiking up my skirt, pulling my panties to the side and entering me from behind was his ultimate work girl fantasy.

From then on, I’d occasionally stay in my work clothes instead of instantly changing into jeans and a t-shirt when I got home and our sex lives were better for it. What’s a new fantasy that you and your partner could try out this weekend?

Karin Freeland create intimacy in your marriage 2 spice up your marriage sex advice

#5 Change Your Scenery

I’m a huge fan of hotel sex and write about it in my memoir. Most people that have kids are, but really anyone can appreciate it. The clean white sheets, not caring about your neighbours, the showers – it all just feels so fun and new. While a vacation might not be on the cards (or the budget), how else can you change up the scenery? Can you have sex in a different room? On the floor? In a tent in the backyard? In the shower?

If you live in an apartment or don’t have extra rooms, you can try redecorating or getting something to set the mood. Maybe a new comforter for your bed and fluffy throw pillows or some candles to light up the room? Who doesn’t love sex in front of a good full-length mirror? Just feeling like you’re in a new environment will create intimate moments for the two of you to share. Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to have sex in a different place every weekend for a month! Enjoy!

Go Free and Be Intimate!

Now that you know 5 new ways to create intimacy in your marriage, you and your partner are sure to have a long and happy relationship (especially if you can get him to wear deodorant).

Karin Freeland create intimacy in your marriage 3 spice up your marriage sex advice

Karin Freeland is the author of the comedic tell-all memoir, The Ins and Outs of My Vagina: A Penetrating Memoir. She recounts the mishaps and misadventures of her life with a special partner in crime, her vagina named V. Available now online at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Be sure to follow her on Instagram @karinfreeland for more great advice and updates on the book.