Recovering From Sexual Abuse
By Maria Jose Alanis, Psychologist – Cuernavaca, Mexico
I’m a survivor of sexual assault just like you, so I know how difficult the road to recovery and healing can be. This is what inspired me to become a psychologist and why I’m here today to help you.
Are you dealing with PTSD, anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, dissociation, suicidal thoughts or some other form of mental distress? Are you ready to learn some new tools that could help you cope, heal and transform your anger, pain and sadness into positive growth? Well, lets get started.
What is Sexual Abuse?
Sexual abuse can be defined as any form of sexual activity without consent, and it can be with or without force or threats. It can be committed by your partner, a family member, a friend, a teacher, a work colleague, a stranger or anyone else in your life.
Stages of Recovery
The stages of recovery from sexual abuse will usually look like this;
- Shock
- Denial
- Guilt
- Depression
- Anger
- Re-acceptance
Opening Up
Most survivors of sexual violence take a long time to open up about what happened, and sadly, many never do. What comes after can be hard to face, can cause shock, fear and denial. However, the most important thing to know is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that with help, you can heal and come out stronger. That’s why relying on someone you trust is so important. Besides finding a physically safe space, you need to find an emotionally safe space too.
If you don’t know how to do it or who to trust, try thinking of someone who has supported you in the past or somebody who cares about you and makes you feel safe.
If you find it hard to approach someone you know, there should be plenty of anonymous hotlines and support groups in your local area.
The Role of Therapy
You should try and make every attempt to find a therapist that specializes in sexual assault. Googling that phrase in your local area should yield good results. Otherwise, ask your G.P. to recommend someone. Therapists are trained professionals that WILL listen to you and WON’T cast judgement. They are the people best suited to aid your recovery.
There are many therapeutic approaches that will help you on your journey. Cognitive-Behavioural therapy has a couple of useful tools specifically developed for survivors of sexual trauma, such as Mindfulness, Eye Movement Desensitization, Reprocessing (EMDR) and Group Therapy.
Here are two approaches commonly used by Cognitive-Behavioral therapists;
Prolonged exposure therapy teaches individuals to gradually approach their trauma-related memories, feelings and situations. By doing this you can alleviate symptoms of PTSD such as anxiety and depression in a safe environment.
Cognitive processing therapy helps patients learn how to modify and challenge unhelpful beliefs related to the trauma. By doing this you learn to process “stuck points” and how to challenge your thoughts, which improves symptoms of depression and guilt.
It’s important to remember that the purpose of therapy is to help us develop the necessary tools to identify and manage thoughts outside of treatment that will eventually improve our quality of life.
DIY Therapy
Here are some techniques you can practice by yourself to build strength and regain power over your triggers.
Grounding
This is a very helpful technique to manage flashbacks and nightmares. Use them if you need to “ground” yourself to the present whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, having a panic attack or dealing with triggers, dissociation, intrusive thoughts or self-harm urges.
5 Senses Technique
This is a very simple sensory grounding technique. All you need to do is name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. This will help take your mind off stressing thoughts and feelings by focusing on pleasant environmental elements.
Anchoring Phrase
The purpose of this technique is to anchor you to the present. Try saying something like, “I am Amanda Curtis, it is October 4th, 2021, it’s 11 pm, I am sitting on my terrace, and I am safe,” anytime you are getting carried away by negative thoughts.
Body scan
This is an exercise that encourages tension release and muscle relaxation. All you have to do is pay attention to each part of your body as you “scan” yourself from head to toe. Start from your head and work down, noticing any sensation you may be feeling.
Self-care
Spending time caring for yourself is essential for healing and managing stressors/triggers. Find an activity that you enjoy or would like to try and do it a couple of times a week. It could be yoga, reading, gardening, journaling, sport or any other hobby that soothes and challenges you.
A good diet
The digestive system is now known as the body’s second brain because of the amount of serotonin produced via your digestive tract, so take good care of what you put in your body.
Exercise
You’ve probably heard that exercise helps the brain produce endorphins, the “feel-good” hormones that help the body cope with pain and stress. This will reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve your sleep, raise your self-esteem, increase your energy levels and lowers blood pressure.
Online Resources
There is a world of great resources online. Here are some great resources available online for everyone;
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network is the USA’s national largest anti-sexual violence organization, which offers live, secure, anonymous crisis support not only for victims of sexual violence but also for their friends and family. You can contact them through their online hotline and online chat, which are available 24/7 and are free of charge.
1in6 offers support for men who have experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. They offer recovery information for men, stories of trauma and recovery, 24/7/365 online chat support with trained specialists and anonymous private support groups facilitated by a professional counsellor.
Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) is an independent peer network of survivors of institutional sexual abuse. Their counsellors offer support for survivors, to protect children, to heal the wounded and to expose the truth. They also offer assistance in reporting abusers and finding legal aid.
Must-Read Books
I have personally read and would recommend the following books;
“The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse” by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. This book outlines a very straightforward approach to healing and coming to terms with your past.
“Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse” by Mike Lew. This book was written specifically for men as a way to examine the mind of the male survivor.
“Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Approaching Sexual Trauma” by Staci Haines. This is a great book that will help you to re-learn the enjoyment of sex.
“Life, Reinvented: A Guide to Healing from Sexual Trauma for Survivors and Loved Ones” by Erin Carpenter. Great practical tools and inspiration for both survivors and their friends, family members and partners.
“The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk. This is an all-time favourite of sex therapists. Written by the world’s foremost experts on traumatic stress, this book will transform your understanding of what trauma can do to the body and mind.
Conclusion
If you can, your first port of call should be a G.P. or therapist. They are the ones trained to deal with the situation you are in and can offer both pharmaceutical and therapeutic help.
Be sure to reach out to someone you trust whenever you need support. You are not alone, and this is not your fault. Take care of yourself, heal and rest. And be patient and understanding because this process will take time.